As we speed towards the end of the year balancing the extra demands of gift buying, school children’s festivities, career demands, family arrangements and social engagements, I’m sure we will all catch a few moments to cast our minds back over the events this year has presented to us.

Amongst all that has occurred there will have been moments where interactions with others have not been as harmonious as hoped. Events such as these often take time to recover from and many of us often dwell on how that occasion could have been more positive, how they could have behaved differently, what happened to contribute to the negative outcome which occurred. These events could range from a relationship/friendship conflict, clash with a colleague at work, a rude response from a customer or a general misunderstanding or breakdown in communication.

Although it is useful to reflect on such interactions with a positive frame of mind so that we can assess objectively what occurred and learn from it, it rarely serves us to re-play events over and over again. This can also create limiting beliefs about our abilities as individuals.

American author, ethicist and theologian, Lewis B Smedes (1921-2002) said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”.

For clients stuck in this cycle of thought, I would suggest they work to understand and forgive what happened, in stages that they feel appropriate for them. It is important to encourage a client to investigate the particular event which is dominating their thoughts, perhaps from the other person’s point of view or as if they are looking down from a cloud at themselves and the other individual. This aids a clearer perspective and a reduction in emotions which are attached to it.

Coaching can support a client release the negative emotions which have built up and help raise their level of self-awareness, which in turn starts to release the power that event has over them. When they can detach themselves from repeating the event and acknowledge any limiting beliefs which have stemmed from it, they are then free to move forward and progress further with their goals.

In such situations it is helpful to remember that everyone is performing at their best given the circumstances, information and resources they have at that very moment. It is always possible for them to improve their behaviour or performance as they grow with further learning, information, improved self-awareness and reflection.

When working with clients, helping them release the stress and worry which can build up from these past negative events creates great freedom for them to focus on other empowering thoughts to support the goals they have identified. Each and every episode, whether positive or negative, can be learnt from and supports your personal growth.

American minister and author Catherine Ponder (1927 – present) said “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free”

Not only is it important to relieve stress by forgiving the other person or the situation, it is absolutely vital to forgive yourself. Perhaps you feel that you could have responded more positively, controlled what you said, or done more to facilitate a happier outcome. Although some reflection aids the learning process, it is important to accept that what happened was in the past, cannot be changed and is only adding to your mental burden by allowing it to dominate your thoughts any more than necessary.

Make one of your goals for this festive season forgiveness. Release the past, learn from the year and move forward into the New Year with passion, love and commitment to yourself and others.

Prefer to view this without ads? Click here to get the members version

A Day in the Life…

---