Written by Helen Jones, Assoc, Email Helen Jones
©2010 Helen Jones; All Rights Reserved

 

“ Effective coaching depends on understanding, and having the competence to work with the relational dimension.” Bill Critchley (EMCC Journal)

Much of our work as coaches involves challenging our clients to think, feel, imagine, stretch and move on in their personal and business lives. Along the way, both they and we may run the gamut of emotions – we can each be full of endeavour /desire one minute and experience negative feelings the next. How do we keep a balance when the stakes can be so high for both parties?

Sometimes in supervision, coaches tell me a story like this: ‘We had a few great sessions, but by session 4, the client became closed, unenthusiastic, arrived late and did not complete assignments. Now, I’m fed up and am worried about the next meeting – help!’ This rather tight compression of a classic scenario nevertheless illustrates the layers of feeling that may emerge during the course of a coaching programme. It highlights that coaching is relational and that we need to take seriously how our clients affect us and vice-versa. We know that ‘change emerges in the crucible of the relationship’ and this underlines the need for us to be intelligent about ourselves, about the other and about the space between us. We are also required to manage ourselves in complex conversations so that our presence is clean and the coaching space belongs to the client as far as possible.

Being fully present in coaching requires that we let go of our strong feelings – even our strong desire that the session is a good one for the client. When we really have the capacity to be with our clients, to be with emergent potential and to be in field consciousness, this ‘unconditional presence is the most powerful transmuting force there is’. J Welwood. In a typical one-to-one session where both parties arrive with previous knowledge of context, coaching focus and of each other, with expectations of how the session might go and with a desire for a good outcome, it takes time in the session for the coach to let go of all that and truly begin to attend to what is there in this conversation, this moment. Letting go all the assumptions and feelings, creates an energy in which the client is more able to do the same; at this juncture in a session, what wants to emerge can do so and the resulting spaciousness can more easily contain and resolve any strong feelings that might arise.

Keeping this inner balance is a key skill for coaches. Senge/Scharmer tells us that,

‘The success of an intervention depends on the inner condition of the intervener.’

In order to speak from a place of true presence, we need high levels of EQ and SQ. Profound listening goes far beyond auditory listening: ‘far more important is the space of conscious presence that arises as you listen. That space is a unifying field of awareness in which you meet the other person without the separate barriers created by conceptual thinking.’ E. Tolle. When we know how to manage our own feelings and not react to the feelings of others, when we can maintain balance and presence, we are better able to stay connected to the client and allow coaching to work its magic. 

Coaching this way lights up the coaching conversation. Bringing the intelligence of unconditional presence into professional relationships is one of the best ways to reach true solutions. It ensures that the space between our clients and ourselves is kind and open, and that there is every possibility of ‘enhanced mental clarity, intuitive discernment and cognitive performance’.

Edna Murdoch is an Executive Coach and Director of the Coaching Supervision Academy. She runs a 9-month, Coach Supervision training programme in London, offers supervision to Executive and Internal coaches, individually and in groups. Her forthcoming presentation at the EMCC conference in Dublin is entitled: “Who You Are is How You Coach.” Full information may be found at: www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com

Barbara J. Dalpra MNMC, AFC (IIC), CIAC
Stop Wishing, Start Achieving
http://www.expatcoach.biz

Links to books available through amazon.com that were published by our members, as well as any other books which we find particularly helpful for coaching ideas and insights will be placed here. Cheers to reading!

PaTrisha-Anne Todd, Email PaTrisha-Anne Todd
© 2010 PaTrisha-Anne Todd; All Rights Reserved

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